It’s no coincidence that in yesterday’s blog I wrote about the Middle of the Climb being the most crucial part of the journey. It’s in this place where we must decide—Do I keep going? Or, do I turn around and call it complete?

Today I felt the weight of being in the middle. I felt the mental anguish of moving forward.

I woke up this morning rather tired and cranky. Tonight is a Full Moon and usually, I find myself a little more tired during this phase. In the past, I considered it to be an “off” day. I didn’t really have any relationship with my connection to the moon and its cycles. Since I’ve become more aware of my intuitive nature, I’m able to have a better understanding of how connected I am to the energy of the moon. Full Moons are a time to release what is no longer working or needed at this time in your life. It’s a time to let go and create intentions to bring in more of what does serve you.

As such, my energy and mood have been a bit more drained today. Rather than resisting it or hiding from it, I chose to embrace it. I gave myself space to sit with the energy and rest in meditation. I released my need to control what I’m writing and instead surrender to whatever comes. Even writing about my connection to the moon and my Full Moon rituals are a form of surrender for me. In the past, I have shied away from sharing this part of myself out of fear of being seen as too “Woo”. Luckily, I now own and embrace this part of myself.

I set up my space outside on the front porch. The warm night air was perfect for sitting under the moonlight. As I sat, I began to write various holds on my life that I was ready to release. I would write them down one at a time, rip the paper out and place it in the fire. This is a beautiful way to symbolically release whatever needs to be released. I watched each piece of paper burn and dissolve into the night air. I turned on a guided meditation and asked for help with whatever needed to be released. After my meditation, I opened my eyes and pulled a card.

Release the Dark Wound, Let Love Live

If we detach something from its source too soon, trying to force it to become what it is not yet ready or willing to become, we can unintentionally sap it of its strength and kill it. There is a dark wound in the consciousness of humanity which demands perfection and denies process.
You have to let go of the death-grip of perfectionism and let yourself and your ideas Live. Love is abundant, creative and inspiring. It moves so much more joyously and creatively than fear. You are being asked to honor the path of your own love—what inspires you, what feels exciting, joyful and perhaps even rather different? Let that live! Release the dark wounding of false belief.
There are countless stories of vastly successful artists who very nearly binned the project that was the making of their career, because of the despair fostered by their own dark nature. They doubted. They were uncertain. Was their work any good? Was it useless? They struggled to believe in the right of a work to come to life, whether it was accepted, revered or rejected by others, or not. - Excerpts from the Sacred Rebels Oracle, Alana Fairchild

This message is spot on for where I am and what I’ve been needing to release. While I live a very adventurous, bold, and free-spirited life, I also live in fear around putting my creations, desires, and gifts out for others to see and experience. I have been living in fear around my creations being accepted or rejected by others. I’ve been holding back from fully sharing what I’m up to out of fear of people not understanding. As a result, I don’t openly share about what I have to offer. I list some of my services on my website and will share in passing with people I think will accept it.

What I’ve learned about this dark wound—money doesn’t flow by hiding or holding back.

I’ve been blocked in the area of money ever since I quit the corporate world and set off on my own. I’m sure there were money blocks before this, but they’ve been amplified since being on my own. I’ve felt undeserving of receiving money for my services; I’ve had “no one will pay for what I have to offer” looming in the back of my mind; and, I’ve held the underlying belief that people will pay for my services and that “the money will come” as ways to keep me moving forward, yet deep down, I haven’t believed it.

This is, unfortunately, a common mindset that many solopreneurs, healers, and artists go through. There is something so personal about putting your creations out for others to accept, revere, or reject. Even though we believe in what we have to offer; even though we believe our creations and services will make a difference for others; as long as these thoughts are looming in our minds, the likelihood of actually having a profitable business is slim. Many lose their work to fear and accept the notion that they are not good enough, deserving, or meant to share their creations with others.

This is where the middle meets the journey. I find myself in the space of nearly throwing my creations away because of the despair fostered by my own dark nature (aka limiting beliefs).

Tonight as I was meditating and choosing what to release on this Full Moon night, I asked myself to make a choice. Am I going to continue to allow fear and despair to rule my life? - OR - Am I going to release and burn these holds and ask for support in receiving, sharing, and standing in my truth?

This is the moment where my choice—what I willingly choose—can powerfully alter my current reality.

Photo by: Karim Nadhour hammamet, tunisia january 2020 — Photo by: Karim Nadhour hammamet, tunisia january 2020

I chose to release these holds. I’ve come too far on this journey over the past 2 years to not see my creations through. I’ve come too far to not trust that where I’ve been is all part of my path. To know and believe that every twist and turn is actually leading me closer to the top of my mountain rather than farther away.

I said a prayer after I declared my intentions and asked to surrender my control and receive support. I am clear that I am not meant to “do” this part of my journey on my own. I released any beliefs I have around Asking being seen as weak, and fears around writing this blog as being sabotage for my business. Instead, I am choosing to trust and be open to receiving the abundance that this world has to offer for all of us.

I now choose of my own free will to release all cellular memories and belief systems based in the dark wounds of criticism, judgment, shaming and fear, so that my creative, loving energy may thrive in a nourishing environment conducive to growth. Through all time and space, through all dimensions of my being, through unconditional love, so be it.

If you find yourself in a similar space around sharing your creations and services with others, and/or asking and receiving money for your services and creations, please know, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. There are so many of us who find ourselves in this internal battle. We fear that by owning who we are and sharing our “Woo” that no one will accept us. We see others who are successful and thriving, and question whether or not we’ll ever be at their level. We compare to others or to where we think we “should” be, rather than accepting that where we are right now is where we’re meant to be. It’s learning to appreciate each step of the journey while traveling to the destination.

If you find yourself having blocks around asking and receiving money or letting go of what no longer serves you, I invite your to schedule a Deep Clarity session with me. I have a true gift for holding space for others and allowing whatever message is meant to be heard to come forth.

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Release the Dark Wound, Let Love Live

Today I felt the weight of being in the middle. I felt the mental anguish of moving forward.

Release the Dark Wound, Let Love Live

What I’ve learned about this dark wound—money doesn’t flow by hiding or holding back.

This is where the middle meets the journey. I find myself in the space of nearly throwing my creations away because of the despair fostered by my own dark nature (aka limiting beliefs).

This is the moment where my choice—what I willingly choose—can powerfully alter my current reality.

If you find yourself having blocks around asking and receiving money or letting go of what no longer serves you, I invite your to schedule a Deep Clarity session with me. I have a true gift for holding space for others and allowing whatever message is meant to be heard to come forth.

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