False Evidence Appearing Real
/What stops you from coming to the edge and putting out your work—creations, offerings, visions? What are you afraid is going to happen? What are the voices in your head telling you about sharing your [fill in the blank]?
PHOTOGRAPHER: GABO Y MAFE, CARTAGENA, COLOMBIA, 2018
I woke up this morning thinking about my last blog post, How Would You Like to Be Remembered? It was late when I was writing the post. I had intentions of writing a completely different post about an exciting offering I have, and I didn’t write that. I had written the whole post in my head and when I sat down to actually write it out, the words simply weren’t there. It was after 10 PM at that point so I opted to write what could more easily be translated into words.
This morning when I woke up, the post I had written in my head, the post I’ve been hanging onto, was beckoning me. I laid in bed for a while allowing the words to take various forms. I began to expand upon last night’s post.
If I’m going to be remembered how I would like to be remembered, it’s time I wake up. What a shame it would be to leave this earth with all of my creations tucked away in my mind, journal, or hard drive.
Bear with me here as I attempt to translate into writing what I’ve been wrestling with deep in my mind.
I’ll start from the top and answer the questions for myself that I posed at the beginning. Listen for yourself if anything here resonates for you.
What stops you from coming to the edge and putting out your work—creations, offerings, visions?
I’ve been thinking about this one for a while. I’ve invested thousands of dollars in trying to gain more clarity around this answer. The best response I’ve come up with is FEAR.
There are many definitions and interpretations of what fear is. The one that resonates with me is False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear is so good at making things appear real. Fear causes our worst nightmares to feel like they’re going to come true. I’m not talking about healthy fear here. Yes, there is a reason that fear exists. It exists to protect us from harm or danger.
I’m talking about the kind of fear that is deep in your psyche. The fear that tells you that you’re not good enough; that you’re undeserving; that you will fail; that no one will want what you have to offer; the kind that tells you that you should give up now and stick to what is comfortable.
There is a saying that goes, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” I’ve used this many times in my life to move through physical challenges like bungee jumping, climbing mountains, solo traveling the world, cliff jumping, and so on. Yet, when it comes to more personal challenges like sharing my creations or my heart with others, it’s not so simple.
You can feel the fear and do it anyway. But, if you haven’t worked through the internal blocks that are keeping you safe, your fear will likely be mirrored back to you.
For example, last year I launched my first paid group program - The Empowerment Challenge. With the support of my coaches and a friend who is a master with words, we created a beautiful, compelling sales page. When it came time to launch it, I felt the fear and carried it with me. I kept delaying the start date. July 1, July 7, July 15. Finally, I committed to a launch date. I felt the fear of putting my services out there and shared with my audience. 4 people signed up—3 friends and 1 new client. I was excited and shocked that people actually signed up and were paying me money!
When the challenge started, I was feeling nervous. I was doubting my ability to guide these 4 women (impostor syndrome). I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to deliver the promises of the program. I allowed these fears to carry me through the program. In the end, the challenge was okay. I survived, my clients made it through, and hopefully gained some more empowerment in their lives. Yet, I felt like I failed. I beat myself up for not giving more of myself to the women who entrusted me to guide them.
The challenge was not a complete wash. I learned many lessons about my worth, my empowerment, and how to trust in my gifts and use my gifts to guide rather than be led from my head.
Fear may have blocked me from fully showing up, but it didn’t stop me from gaining new insights and awareness.
What are you afraid is going to happen by sharing your creations with others?
After that challenge, I began to learn more about my intuitive gifts and what I have to offer. I know that I have technical skills like writing, communicating, and providing services like designing trips for others. Yet, I wasn’t quite aware that I had intuitive gifts. At the beginning of my yearlong coaching program, my coach opened my awareness of being intuitive (someone who possesses the ability to understand or know something without any direct evidence or reasoning process; instinctive).
Intuition: I believe that I hold the power within to access inner guidance to make clear decisions and unveil a deep knowing. I understand that intuition sees what the logical mind cannot. I listen to and trust the answers revealed through my intuition and take aligned actions inside of that deep knowing.
In 2018, I received my first deck of Oracle cards. They were gifted to me while on a meditation retreat in Mexico. Prior to that, I had a very skewed vision of what Oracle cards are. I remember sitting on the couch when I returned. I pulled a card for my sister and knew what card she was going to get before I had even turned it over. I have a gift for channeling the messages that are meant to be heard and using my inner guidance to interpret the messages in a safe and loving way.
I started pulling Oracle cards for friends and random people I met in my travels. I’d meet people and they’d see my cards and ask if I could pull a card for them. I started to gain confidence and tap into this side of me that I didn’t know existed.
I’ve kept my spiritual, intuitive gifts at bay to protect me from judgment, ridicule, and lack of approval. I’ve played it safe with whom I share them with and where I share them. While I do have the offerings listed on my website, I’ve held back from publicly advertising. Why? Fear.
What are the voices in your head telling you about sharing your creations?
This is where Fear gets clever. Fear likes to create interpretations and assumptions about what I think others are thinking or saying about me. I fear that I will be shunned, told no, or that what I’m offering is not worth being compensated. The voices tell me that if I fully put myself out there, I won’t survive. It’s better to keep quiet and keep my creations as a hobby or only share with those who I believe will approve of it.
This chatter and noise block my light and creations from shining in this world.
I still don’t know the full reason why I was called to take on this challenge of writing 30 blogs in 30 days. What I believe is that I’m being asked to peel the layers of the onion. Strip my bark and allow more of my heart to be seen and known. Yes, it’s prepping me to write my book and get in the habit of having a more consistent writing practice. But it’s also asking me to Come to the Edge—to face my fears of sharing my deepest insights, spiritual and intuitive gifts, and step into the spotlight; to strip down to the core of who I am and allow my beautiful soul and work of art to be seen and experienced.
Prior to writing this blog, I pulled the Come to the Edge card from my Wisdom of the Oracle deck. The card was reversed which means, I only pay attention to the Protection Message.
Fear is leading the way into places you don’t need to go. Most of what you fear at the moment is an illusion stemming from an old belief that isn’t even true. Now is the time for courage. You will not be lost at sea; you will not watch everyone else get what you want while you are left alone and unloved—oh, the drama of it all!
False Evidence Appearing Real is hovering over you. The more you dwell on fear, the more real it will become. Ask yourself, Who in me is afraid? Love that part of you. Ask, is this true and real right now? The answer, most likely is no. Give yourself a hug. It’s okay to be scared. Courage must be summoned. In spite of your fear, even when you’re not feeling confident, Spirit will always catch you.
We all have different fears rooted deep within us from conditioning, old beliefs, and illusions.
You may look at my fear of putting my spiritual, intuitive gifts out into the world and think, “What’s the big deal? Just share what you’ve created!” Yet, my background and how I was conditioned from a young age is different from yours. The common thread is Fear—False Evidence Appearing Real. We all have our own version of “I’m going to die if I Ask for what I want or Ask for money!” We all hold our own illusions, old beliefs, and reasons that keep us safe in our cocoon, and safe from exposure.
The question then becomes: What am I gaining by keeping my creations to myself?
